Luisa Omielan: What Would Beyoncé Do?

The thing is, I'm not a Beyoncé fan so this acclaimed stand up was possibly always likely to fail for me. I appreciate that Beyoncé has empowered women, but I don't really find her the feminist role model that many do. For a start she believes the term feminism is 'too extreme', and her suggestion is it should be replaced with her own trademark term 'bootylicious'. As Bridget Christie said "We're talking about the systematic and prolonged oppression of women across the world as a society here, for thousands of years. We're not talking about a new ass-flavoured bubblegum".  Christie isn't the only feminist comedian to criticise Beyoncé 's rather dubious status as a feminist icon, Katherine Ryan rightly called her out for being a clever, powerful, rich woman who seems to have just accepted that her husband Jay Z allegedly sleeps around (and in such dubious circumstances - Cathy White, an alleged mistress of the rap star died at home the day before she was due to meet newspapers to give her story - google it) by writing a lyric like 'she's had half of me. She ain't even half of me' to possibly express herself on such a matter. Are we to presume that she accepts that husbands are going to be unfaithful? That it's OK if they do, because you are their only wife (their 'Mrs Carter') and that ultimately you'll see him more than his mistresses do? That's hardly an empowering message to be sending out is it?

Luisa Omielan wrote this, her debut stage show five years ago and performed it in a room above a pub at the Free Fringe at Edinburgh, before being picked up by London's Soho theatre where she scored seven sell-out runs. Ten nights at Montreal's Just for Laughs followed, along with a run in London's West End, before finally being picked up by BBC3 for a specially filmed performance at Clapham Grand. Make no mistake, this show is a smash hit and it brought Omielan huge critical and commercial acclaim. Not bad for a show which began when she wondered just what Beyoncé would do when  faced with the problem of unblocking a toilet containing her younger brother's massive poo with a stick she found in the garden!

Drawing further parallels with her own life, Omielan wonders just how would Beyoncé react to getting dumped, to signing on, to being in her thirties and living back with her mum? Going deeper, she manages to touch upon more serious subjects such as depression and even suicide, yet still keeps up a remarkable party atmosphere amidst the confessional moments as she tries to shape a new philosophy from Beyoncé's work whilst still remaining aware in her subtext that there's a huge gap between the X Factor hopefuls, the everyday dreamers and the world's most famous pop diva.

What Would Beyoncé Do? is a show performed with great frenetic speed and energy by the dazzling Omielan, who mixes Beyoncé moves with fresh, revealing and frank patter that comes at you like bullets from a machine gun. I can see why so many in the audience get swept away by her remarkable energy (and believe me, this audience is so clearly full of devotees and like minds) but I couldn't help but wonder if some of that gusto is papering over the cracks in material that, despite the success, is still clearly a debut effort.

Ultimately, I found Omielan herself to be a more empowering potential role model than her heroine; from the moment she literally swaggers and shimmies onto the stage announcing her love for her own cellulite and big bottom*, this is a hugely confident and proud young woman who owns her sexuality and identity, but isn't afraid to talk frankly about her insecurities and the low points in her life. Unlike Beyoncé  then.

*Which is very nice, as you can see

You can watch it on the BBC iPlayer.

Theresa May: This Is What A Hypocrite Looks Like

This is our Prime Minister Theresa May, before she came into office, assuring us that she was what a feminist looked like.

Yesterday at PMQ's when her opposition rival raised the subject of the housing crisis in the UK, May chose to dodge the question and offer up the usual 'yer mum' kind of retort to the delight of her Tory MP's.

Except what made the retort unusual was the fact that she was quoting from the twitter feed of one Lewis Collins - a man who routinely posts racist, abusive and misogynistic comment.

So this, we must therefore assume, is what a feminist reads on twitter, and likes

The twitter feed also proudly proclaims that 'every time a Polish person is lamped, it will always be considered a Brexit hate crime. Even if they asked for it' and that, following the news that British schoolgirl turned ISIS fighter Kadiza Sultana died in an airstrike, he hoped that 'the airstrike crushed Miss Sultana like a grape'. He also came up with 'one man and his wog' with the hashtag '#edmilibandgameshows' and supported and defended the killer of Jo Cox MP, Thomas Mair.

Feminism doesn't mean possessing a vagina and doing a high powered, responsible and important job that is normally or nominally seen to be a man's role thanks to our patriarchal society. Theresa May (and her supporters who think a woman PM must surely be a feminist) needs to learn that, and fast.

Indeed I'm reminded of genuine feminist and comedian Bridget Christie's remarks regarding May adopting that T Shirt;

"On the back it says, 'Not really, I'm a Tory, you gullible dick. Then underneath that it says, 'i axed the health in pregnancy grant. I closed Sure Start centres' That one's got a smiley face next to it. 'I cut child benefit and slashed tax credits. I shut down shelters for battered wives and children. I cut rape counselling and legal aid' Winking face.

'I cut funding for CCTV cameras and street lighting, making women much more vulnerable. I closed down all 23 specialist domestic violence courts. I cut benefits for disabled children' Sad face with sunglasses on. 'I tried to amend the abortion act so that women receive one to one  abortion counselling from the pope before they go ahead with it' Winking face with tongue out. The back is much longer than the front, by the way. It's a tailcoat, basically. They're wearing tailcoats"

I'm not presuming for one moment that Theresa May personally follows Lewis Collins on twitter (I would hope she has better things to do) but it's clear that she didn't do her research when she, this 'feminist', approved her speechwriter quoting from this twitter account.

And the very fact that someone in the Tory office actually does follow, read and approve of the kind of filth Lewis Collins routinely spews out is very, very worrying indeed. Though not at all surprising, of course, because it is the Tory mindset to sneer at anyone who isn't male, white, privileged and well off.

This is what a feminist looks like? No, Theresa May is what a hypocrite looks like.

Out On Blue Six : The Communards

Or as Bridget Christie calls him, 'The Head of Women, Jimmy Somerville' 

End Transmission

Gig Review: Bridget Christie, A Book For Her @ The Everyman, 21/3/16

Unfortunately this review cannot just be about how funny I thought Bridget was, how intelligent and witty her material is, how much I enjoyed the gig, or even how adorable Bridget was after the show when I was fortunate enough to have a brief chat, my book signed and even a hug (eep!)

No, this review has to be about the middle aged couple who decided to jump the book signing queue after the show to call Bridget 'a Nazi' - a ridiculous slur for a left-wing feminist comedian!

Let me explain; this couple were sat directly opposite me across the stage during the first half. I noticed because the man - in particular - was stony faced throughout and especially during some material about Stirling Moss. By the closing stages of the first half I had decided they were unlikely to return after the interval. But surprisingly they did - I saw them, as they chose to ignore their original seats and sit on the back row of the stalls instead.

Bridget came on for the second half and noticed that there were now two empty seats in the front row - in fact there were a couple more empty seats she noticed. People had left the gig. Given that she was joking about the patriarchal societies acceptance and indeed propagation of rape, she jokingly referred to anyone who left during the interval as 'rapists' - including the couple who - unbeknownst to her, obviously - had simply moved seats.

Did they shout out, letting her know they had just moved? No, they kept quiet and decided to make their presence known at the book signing, putting a dampener on everyone who witnessed their snooty moans night, but most importantly and unfairly of all, upsetting Bridget. Despite her reassuring them that it was 'just a joke' and that she wasn't to know they'd moved, they stomped off with the unpleasant and all-pervading air of smug superiority and self righteousness. 

Comedy is a flimsy gossamer thing, and just as you can't please everyone, you can't amuse everyone either. Comedy can die on its arse and be misunderstood in a room above a pub, and it can do exactly the same in an established theatre venue like The Everyman in Liverpool. For me comedy works much better in a specific comedy club or venue, where the punters actually are regular comedy punters who understand that the person there on stage with the mic, the comedian, telling the jokes for their amusement, is y'know, just joking.

That insufferable couple did not understand this. They did not appreciate the gag, they did not seek to inform the performer there and then (stand up isn't like a play - audiences can interact to some extent - but they chose not to) they did not seem aware that they had come out for a night of jokes or what kind of material Bridget Christie delivers. It always mystifies me that some seemingly intelligent people just can't grasp that comedians are meant to joke, to not strictly be honest and to play a role, for a living. I recently read one blogger who I respect condemn Bridget's husband (and my favourite stand-up) Stewart Lee as a snob who was full of himself. Now, that blogger is intelligent, but that is a monumentally stupid remark to make; calling Lee a snob is like criticising Tommy Cooper for being a bad magician, or claim that Les Dawson couldn't play the piano - that's his act! 

This couple bothered me and indeed they're still bothering me now, almost two hours after their strop. Was there inability to get Bridget because they were Everyman-goers rather than stand up comedy goers? Or were they just humourless pricks?

Bit of both maybe. I don't know. One thing I do know is that you may get the joke or you may not, you may simply just not find a comedian funny - but that's not something that gives you the right to feel offended. Offence is not something you can feel just because you didn't find something funny or understand comedy, even at its most basic.

Anyway, needles to say the gig amused me greatly. The material is heavily indebted (naturally, given they share a title) to Bridget's book A Book For Her which I have just read, so I did feel that some aspects of the show were covering familiar ground, especially in the first half which skipped across the book's most salient points and gags and felt a teensy bit tentative as Bridget got a feel of the room - this being her first appearance at The Everyman. The second half was an absolute blinder though, covering everything from the recent Budget and how the Tories extreme austerity policies in general slash everything that benefits society, Rachel Dolezal, Caitlyn Jenner, Donald Trump, UKIP, Jeremy Clarkson and lastly the Tampon tax - with Bridget revealing that for some time now she's been sending her soiled underwear to George Osborne care of the Treasury! (and literally revealing too - bringing on a jiffy bag stuffed with blood stained pants marked VAT!)  

All in all, a great night (save from the two idiots) that combines belly laughs with searing insight and sobering facts on politics and race and gender issues. And I am still really chuffed at having had the opportunity to speak to Bridget and get a hug from her! She's so sweet :D

Isy Suttie : At The Bus Stop

Brilliant comedy song, I kind of feel like this at times.

Also appearing with the lovely Isy are Joanna Neary from Ideal (the friend Isy won't let join in) and Mrs Stewart Lee herself, Bridget Christie (hosting the dinner party)

Isy Suttie is my life coach

Yes, yes I do